From One to Two
14 March 2023
Everyone warns you how hard it is going from one child to two, and they’re not wrong. I’ve been reflecting on whether it’s harder than I thought it would be, thus far at least. It’s still early days!
The times I find hardest are when both of them need me at the same time and I can’t satisfy everyone’s needs at once. They’re both crying, I get overstimulated, my brain fogs up and I struggle to regulate my emotions, let alone help them with theirs. In these moments I find myself losing patience with my eldest; aged nearly 3 it’s easy to forget he’s still a very little person who needs me very much.
I’m conscious of creating an environment where resentment can build in the eldest towards the youngest, so at first I would avoid interacting with my baby daughter as much as I could when my he was around. It turns out he absolutely dotes after her, so I’m leaning into that and trying to focus on finding ways to encourage their relationship to grow. I’ve found that saying nice things to the baby about him (“your brother is so kind!” , “wow, look at what he just made!”) is a lovely way to make him feel good about himself and help foster a sense of connection between them. I love seeing his eyes light up as he asks me what she is saying back.
I am definitely finding newborn life easier this time around. I wouldn’t have said I was finding it especially hard at this stage last time round, but with hindsight I recognise that I was quite anxious. My memories of those early months consist of tackling a series of challenges: first feeding, then sleeping, then entertaining. I spent a lot of time worrying about the next thing and not really being present.
With my daughter, I’m learning to see her more as a whole being rather than a sequence of needs. Rather than overthinking all the various aspects of mothering her, I am just trying to take in all her babyness. Life is so much busier now than when I had my son, but I actually think this helps. Whenever I do get a moment to pause, just me and her, I cherish being in that stillness together. I’m trying to embrace everything that these early moments bring.
I know one thing for sure, these two are the light of my life, and motherhood is the best thing I’ve ever done. Roll on the next 18 years…
