The CEO Mindset

25 February 2025

If there’s one piece of parenting advice I could give anyone raising toddlers and pre-schoolers, it’s this: Be The CEO.

I can’t recall where I first read this phrase, so apologies for not crediting the originator. But since coming across it a year or so back, it’s shifted my mindset powerfully.

A good CEO leads with calm authority. They listen to the views of their colleagues and subordinates, but ultimately they are the decision-maker and they are unapologetic about making moves that are not necessarily liked by everyone, but are in the best interests of the company as a whole.

Similarly, a parent’s job is to take the lead. I think it’s great that modern parenting culture places value on the child’s voice, where the parent/child relationship provides a healthy space for feelings to be shared and heard. However, I think often this gets taken too far, where children are given too much control. Control which is beyond their developmental ability to handle, or use effectively.

As the parent, you simply are in charge. Sometimes that means you have to make decisions that nobody likes. The fact that your child doesn’t like the decision doesn’t make you a bad parent. You’re doing your job.

This sturdy leadership can still be compatible with kindness. Through clear communication, explaining why the decision is being made (e.g. “it’s my job to keep you safe”) and validating adverse reactions (“I understand you’re not happy about this, and that’s OK”), but ultimately UPHOLDING the decision despite the pushback (“this decision is final. Sometimes it’s mummy/daddy’s job to make decisions you don’t like”).

This can be hard; the tears, the tantrums, the whining. It wears you down. Many a time I have given in. The tears made me feel like a bad person, they got me doubting myself and wondering if I needed to be more empathetic, and I would usually end up compromising in some way. I don’t see it that way any more, at least not as often.

Now, I try to adopt the CEO mindset. Would a good CEO pander to every disgruntled employee? Would they try and find ways to appease them so that they would be more well liked? No. They would be a decisive leader, steadfast in their actions. Would they be kind and compassionate? Yes, I think they would. But they would also be firm and resolute.

That’s not to say it has to be “my way or the highway” all the time. Nor does your home need to turn into a military dictatorship. I think it’s about establishing a culture in your home where you, as the adult, are taken seriously, but (fundamentally) NOT by using fear. If you can establish an environment where there is a healthy dose of playfulness, a lighthearted atmosphere with plenty of understanding and collaboration where appropriate, alongside certain hard limits which are consistently enforced for everyone’s safety and wellbeing, I think you’re winning.

On playfulness, many advocate the use of this to strengthen the parent/child relationship and ultimately lead to more meaningful connection and in doing so, greater levels of cooperation. This is all well and good and I do believe playfulness is an underrated parenting tool. However there are a few pitfalls: 1) it does not come easy to everyone to be playful; 2) it can massively backfire if not used in the right way. @playfulheartparenting often reminds her audience that to be effective, playfulness needs to first be woven into the fabric of the home environment rather than deploying it “in the moment” as a tool for cooperation. I can vouch for this.

I recall a typical morning after breakfast begging my children to come back to the table so I could clean their teeth, while they ran around like headless chickens. I reluctantly tried the playful approach by trying to chase them pretending to be a tooth brushing monster, which only fuelled their giddiness. They continued to run away from me and we got further and further away from my objective of brushing their teeth. I got increasingly frustrated - I didn’t want to do this in the first place and it wasn’t even working. Finally my temper bubbled over, I shouted at them and pretty much everyone ended up in tears.

Around one year later, we faced the same scenario (as we had many times in between!). Kids hiding at teeth time. Enter the CEO: “It’s teeth time. Yes, you want me to chase you, I’ll do that after your teeth are clean. Come here now, please.” Believe it or not, they came, no questions asked.

Now, for the reality check: this shift didn’t happen overnight, and this level of cooperation is not what happens 100% of the time in my home. But when it does happen, it comes from an understanding that sometimes I, as the adult, set a limit that cannot be moved. This results from consistently upholding boundaries over time, even in the face of fierce pushback. If you’re always giving in every time there are tears and tantrums, it sends a signal that you’re not really that serious about this boundary.

This concept may sound harsh to some. I once really struggled with the idea of letting my children cry, especially as a people pleaser by nature; a big chunk of my identity was rooted in my ability to be a diplomatic peace keeper. I would always lean towards finding some way to make everyone happy. I’ve since come to understand that my child being upset does not make me a bad parent (or indeed a bad person). It’s how you deal with it that matters. You can hold space for those emotions whilst sticking to your guns. Your children will have far more respect for you if you act with authority.

It’s also incredibly exhausting giving in all the time. There’s a huge amount of mental anguish that comes with making a decision, then questioning it, then thinking of a way to compromise, all the while doubting whether you’re doing the right thing or not. For me, this results in becoming frustrated and losing my temper easily, which serves nobody. I lose my cool much less when I’m confidently holding my ground.

That’s not to say that compromising, or even going back on a decision completely, is never appropriate. Not every boundary needs to be a hard one, and some such moments provide an opportunity to demonstrate to your children valuable human qualities like empathy and humility. The key is making it clear when you’re not budging, and to use that for the limits that really matter in your home, or in that moment.

If you’re struggling with the concept of being a CEO, think of it as “no-nonsense kindness”. You’ll know it when you’re nailing it, because it actually feels good. Try it, you will thank yourself and your children will too (even if they don’t know it yet!)